The Palantir II : A revised Model
by Aurelia22
Summary: Sucky fics beware. You cud end up in THE fic TO END all of lotr's far out plot lines. I thank u......


They are all Tolkein's at least in an abstract way. All the other oddities have been thought up by me after reading too many Mary Sues and the like. They are mine though so dontcha steal them, can't see why you'd want to but any way, on with the show...story.....ok chapter. : )  
  
Palantir II : The Revised Model  
  
The War of the Ring was over but a new conflict had arrisen in Middle- Earth.  
  
Legolas had been riding quickly for several hours, thanks to his amazing super speed, he had got to Minas Tirith a hell of a lot quicker than oh let's say Gimli.  
  
"I bring news to the King and Queen." He announced to the guard, who gave him a shy smile. The mithril gates opened and in he rode.  
  
Legolas immediately knew something was a little wrong. For one thing he did not usualy get attention for male guards. Hmmmm, very odd.  
  
As he entered the Throne room, he saw his old friend, Aragorn, looking a little worse for wear. The person sitting next to him was, however, not who he had expected.  
  
He flicked his eyes to the woman, who was practicaly perfect in every way.  
  
She had long blonde hair and sparkling green eyes that were so green that you could see them from ages away even without Legolas' superduper elFish eyesight.  
  
Hmmm, Legolas thought, green seems to be the colour of the season.  
  
He looked at Aragorn who seemed terrified.  
  
"If you will exscuse us, Naki -- uumm." He said slowly.  
  
Legolas frowned.  
  
"Nakeyariel." She snapped, looking ugly.  
  
"Uh yes, uh terribly sorry.."  
  
"Thats better."  
  
Legolas stared on speechless.  
  
The woman stepped down from Arwen's throne and literally glided out of the room, just like that female alien in Mars Attacks.  
  
Thinking about it, she probably was an alien.  
  
"What the hell?" Legolas mouthed silently.  
  
Aragorn stuck his hand up shaking his head. "Haven't you heard Legolas? Arwen's been killed by a bunch of Wraiths."  
  
"What?" Legolas said loudly, spluttering indignantly. "But I'd thought we'd killed all of them!"  
  
"Apparently not."  
  
"Oh. So, whose..?" He said turning his head to the majorly carved door, encrusted with what looked like a whole jeweller's shop.  
  
"Ah yes. She's umm Naky... Waky....Nakeyariel yes that's it. Claims to be Elrond's daughter."  
  
"But.. But...But..He." For once that Elf got stuck on a word. Hehe.  
  
"Yes, yes. Only one daughter but it seems that Elrond was a little friskier than we first thought. She's the eighth."  
  
"Eighth?"  
  
"New wife."  
  
"Oh." Legolas said quietly. Then he smiled wickedly at Aragorn.  
  
"Eighth eh? I though you looked tierd."  
  
Aragorn looked doubtfully at Legolas.  
  
"Ah yes. That's the other thing."  
  
"What?" Legolas said feeling slightly panicked.  
  
"WE are ummm. How'd you say. You're meant to know." Aragorn looked at him meaningfully.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
Aragorn sighed.  
  
"That umm. Ok..... Think Legolas, what did it say? Ah yes..... Delve into your soul, melamin, what can you feel."  
  
Legolas stared back at the man.  
  
"Think, melamin. What do you feeeeel."  
  
"Freaked out."  
  
Aragorn frowned, flopping his head into his hands.  
  
" Aragorn," Legolas said gently. " I don't like to pry but have you been looking at Arwen's self help books again?"  
  
"No, no, no, no. I gave them up years ago."  
  
"Then where did you get all that shit from?"  
  
"Shit?" Aragorn exclaimed, as if he had been mortally offended.  
  
"Tis no shit, melamin."  
  
"Stop calling me that." Legolas said quickly.  
  
"What?",  
  
"Melamin."  
  
"Oh, you don't like? Hmmm well your alternative is Leggy lu lu. Now I prefer Melamin but its your choice."  
  
Now Legolas frowned.  
  
Yep there'll be a big market for Botox in Middle Earth.  
  
"Get on with it Aragorn."  
  
"Ah yes, sorry. Its the new thing."  
  
He appeared to be pointing at something on a table.  
  
"What is?"  
  
"This thing here." He brandished his hand further.  
  
"Aragorn I can't see anything."  
  
"You can't?" Aragrn said frightened.  
  
"And I am not playing find the salami now so don't even think about it!"  
  
"Ah yes, I forgot. The cloak."  
  
Before Legolas could say anything, Aragorn had got to the table and had pulled off something that looked like a silver cloth.  
  
On the table lay a rectangular looking piece of plastic and a thick book that Leggy could see was called, "Palantir II reading for Dummies."  
  
"Harry's invisability cloak. Sometimes forget its there."  
  
Legolas did not say anything.  
  
"A wedding gift you know. From one of Gandalf's young students. The Palantir also but I've no idea from who."  
  
Legolas leaned foward slightly, afraid that this thing was a weapon of some sort.  
  
"Aragorn?" He said quietly, as though this thing would hear him.  
  
"Yes, Leggy?"  
  
He shot the man an angry look.  
  
"What exactly is it?"  
  
"You mean you don't know. Dear me, Leggy, you don't seem to get much news in Greenleafsville."  
  
"Nghghr?" He asked dumbstruck.  
  
Aragorn threw his hands up into the air, jangling his fingers.  
  
"So much to learn, melamin!"  
  
Legolas took a step backwards.  
  
"Sorry, sorry. It's a Palantir II. A revised version."  
  
"Oh." Legolas said.  
  
"Yes well, this little thing has taught me a lot." He tapped it fondly.  
  
"Very precious to me, this thing."  
  
*Bling Bling*  
  
Legolas let out a girly scream. Hehe, not so tough when faced with modern technology is he?  
  
"Don't panic! Don't Panic!" Aragorn bleated.  
  
"It's just an Instant Message from Boromir."  
  
Another scream from Armarni Elf.  
  
"Boromir? Aragorn, you speak with the dead?" Legolas asked breathlessly  
  
"DEAD?? No, no Leggy. Boromir is alive and kicking."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yes, bless him. He's havng a bit of an identity crisis. Too many instructions from the SITE, melamin. Even I must admit, it does get a little confusing. Ah, melamin. So many things to teach you.... Melamin?"  
  
Aragorn looked around but could not see his blonde friend.  
  
"Ah, there you are."  
  
Legolas was lying unconscious on the floor.  
  
It seemed that even HE could not cope with this new evil. 


End file.
